Mauderers and the Second Book
by atruthordare101
Summary: The Mauderers & Lily find the second book. What will they do, duh read it! Discontinued...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the stuff from the 2****nd**** book.**

**This is set after James and Lily are married and have Harry. **

"Harry, please, give daddy the icky snake and I will give you the cool lion."

Lily had been watching her husband beg her son, Harry, into giving him the stuffed animal; so far Harry had only begun to hit James with the stuffed snake.

"Lily," whined James. "Why'd you have to give Harry a snake?"

"I didn't, he picked it himself," answered Lily.

James turned dejectedly to Harry and half asked himself, half to Harry, "Why, Harry, why do you like the snake so much?"

Before Lily could answer for Harry, James was hit on the head with a hard covered book.

"Lil' what'd do that for?" James said rubbing his head.

"I didn't do that James, "Lily replied helplessly.

"Well then how did," James paused to quickly read the cover, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, hit me in the head?"

"Wait; did you just say _**Harry Potter**_ and the Chamber of Secrets?" Lily asked shocked. She looked over to her son who was currently paying no attention to either of his parents and wrapping the stuffed snake around his hands.

"I… Yeah I guess I did." James responded as dumbstruck as Lily. "Why don't we read some of it? I mean what's the worst that can happen."

"Unfortunately there are a lot of things, such as, dying at the hands of You-Know-Who, me going to Azkaban, Peter betraying us." (Sorry just too funny) Sirius, who had just come in, said nonchalantly.

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**A/N: I know this is really short but I just wanted to see if it was good. Yeah they will go on to actually read the book. Please review to tell me if I should continue!**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry it took so long but I am pretty busy with school.

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the lines from _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_

**Last Time: **_**"Unfortunately there are a lot of things, such as, dying at the hands of You-Know-Who, me going to Azkaban, Peter betraying us." (Sorry just too funny) Sirius, who had just come in, said nonchalantly.**_

**This Time:**

"Hey Sirius, we were just going to read this book-"James started but was cut off by Sirius' exclamation.

"James… reading… of his own free will? Nooo, what twisted universe am I in?"

Lily, who had gotten used to Sirius' dramatics, interjected, "We were only going to read it because it has Harry's name in it."

"Oh, okay then." Sirius quickly acquiesced, and then a thought entered his mind. "OH OH I WANT TO READ IT, I WANT TO READ IT!!!!!!!!"

However at that moment Remus walked in the door and said, "How I wish I had recorded that moment because it is obvious it will never happen again."

James just ignored all of them and started to read. "Harry Potter and Chamber of Secrets, Chapter One: The Worst Birthday."

"Wow, that's like a... a… oxymoron!" Sirius said.

Still annoyed with Sirius and Remus, James continued to read.

_"Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive. Mr. Vernon Dursley had been woken in the early hours of the morning by a loud, hooting noise from his nephew Harry's room._

_'Third time this week!' he roared across the table. "If you can't control that owl, it'll have to go!'_

_Harry tried, yet again, to explain.__"_

"Looks like Dursley's as pigheaded as someone else I know," Lily hinted, while staring at James reminding him of how long he had been encouraging Harry to let go of his stuffed animal.

_"'She's __**bored**__," he said. 'She's used to flying around outside. If I could just let her out at night-'_

_'Do I look stupid?' snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache."_

At this Sirius burst out laughing and everyone else began to chuckle.

_"' I know what'll happen if that owl's let out'_

_He exchanged dark looks with his wife, Petunia. _

_Harry tried to argue back but his words were drowned by a long, loud belch from the Dursleys' son, Dudley. _

_'I want more bacon.'"_

"Charming kid don't you agree?" Remus remarked dryly.

_"'There's more in the frying pan, __sweetum__s__,' said Aunt Petunia, turning misty eyes on her massive son__. 'We must build you up while we've got the chance…. I don't like the sound of that school food….' _

_'Nonsense, Petunia, I never went hungry when __**I**__ was at Smeltings,' said Uncle Vernon heartily. 'Dudley gets enough, don't you, son?' _

_Dudley, who was so large his bottom drooped over either side of the kitchen chair, grinned and turned to Harry."_

"Yeah, I don't think his problem is a lack of food." Sirius commented laughing.

_"'Pass the frying pan."_

_"You've forgotten the magic work,' said Harry irritably._

_The effect of this simple sentence on the rest of the family was incredible: Dudley gasped and fell of his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs. Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr. Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples._

_'I meant 'please'!' said Harry quickly. 'I didn't mean-'_

_'WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU,' thundered his uncle, spraying spit over the table,"_

"Gross"

"_'ABOUT SAYING THE 'M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE?'_

_'But I-'_

_'HOW DARE YOU THREATEN DUDLEY!' roared Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his fist._

_'I just-' _

_'I WARNED YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!'_

_Harry stared from his purple-faced uncle to his pale aunt, who was trying to heave Dudley to his feet._

_'All right,' said Harry, '__**all right**__...'"_

"Talk about paranoia." Lily stated.

_"'Uncle Vernon sat back down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes.'_

_Ever since Harry had come home for the summer holidays, Uncle Vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment, because Harry Potter __**wasn't **__a normal boy. As a matter of fact, he was as not normal as it is possible to be._

_Harry Potter was a wizard- a wizard fresh from his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."_

"Ahh first year those were the days not worrying about much, pranking everyone in sight and…" Sirius started.

"Can you go on your reminiscing later there's only 8 more pages in the chapter." James said looking ahead.

"Yeah sure, I was almost done anyways." Sirius replied good-naturedly.

"_He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomachache. He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes (though perhaps not Snape, the Potions master),"_

"Wait a minute, read that again." Remus said wide-eyed.

"He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes (though perhaps not Snape, the Potions master)," James repeated.

"Snape's a TEACHER!" Sirius exclaimed.

Lily tried to find a reason behind this and finally did, "Well it's not like any off the rest of the book makes sense; I mean why would Harry live with the Dursleys and not James and me."

"I guess that makes sense." Remus said finally, and James continued reading.

_"'…the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his four-poster bed in the tower dormitory, visiting the gamekeeper, Hagrid, in his cabin next to the Forbidden Forest in the grounds, and, especially, Quidditch,"_

"Oh no, no, no." Lily groaned, while James looked more exited and read with renewed vigor.

_"__… the most popular sport in the wizarding world"_ "Of course it is" _"…(six tall goal posts, four flying balls, and fourteen players on broom sticks)._

"There is so much more to Quidditch, there's the-"

"James just keep reading or someone else will." Lily interjected.

"Fine."

_"All Harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron, and top-of-__the line__ Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by Uncle Vernon the instant Harry had come home. What did the Dursleys care if Harry lost his place on the House Quidditch team because he hadn't practiced all summer?"_

"What! That should be…be-" James started.

Remus snatched the book from him and kept reading.

_"What was it to the Dursleys if Harry went back to school without any of his homework done?"_

Lily went wide-eyed at the thought of it, but Remus just kept reading.

_"The Dursleys were what wizards called Muggles (not a drop of magical blood in their veins), and as far as they were concerned, having a wizard in the family was a manner of deepest shame. Uncle __Vernon had even padlocked Harry's owl, Hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her from carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world. _

_Harry looked nothing like the rest of the family."_

"I should hope not." James retorted, looking at the sleeping Harry across the room who looked a lot like himself.

_"Uncle Vernon was large and neckless, with an enormous black mustache; Aunt Petunia was horse-faced and bony; Dudley was blond, pink, and porky. Harry, on the other hand, was small and skinny, with brilliant green eyes and jet-black hair that was always untidy. He wore round glasses, and on his forehead was a thin, lightning-shaped scar._

_It was this scar that made Harry so particularly unusual, even for a wizard. This scar was the only hint of Harry's very mysterious past, of the reason he had been left on the Dursleys' doorstep eleven years before._

_At the age of one year old, Harry had somehow survived a curse from the greatest Dark sorcerer of all time, Lord Voldemort, whose name most witches and wizards still feared to speak."_

"Whoa" Sirius, Remus, Lily, and James said together. But then they realized what that meant and Lily exclaimed, "But how did he even get close to Harry!?"

Remus simply started reading again because no one knew the answer.

_"__Harry's parents had died in Voldemort's attack,"_ Remus read shakily.

"Wha- What!" James said alarmed.

Lily just looked up at Remus as if checking if she heard right. Remus just put down the book and stared at it.

"Should we continue or…" Remus asked unsure if they wanted to know anything more.

"Well… let's read more and maybe it will tell us why, then we could stop it." Sirius said quietly.

"Alright," Remus said before continuing.

_"… but Harry had escaped with his lightning scar, and somehow- nobody understood why – Voldemort's powers had been destroyed the instant he had failed to kill Harry._

_So Harry had been brought up by his dead mother's sister and her husband. __He had spent ten years with the Dursleys, never understanding why her kept making odd things happen without meaning to, believing the Dursleys' story that he had got his scar in the car crash that had killed his parents. _

_And then, exactly a year ago, Hogwarts had written to Harry, and the whole story had come out. Harry had taken up his place at the wizard school, where he and his scar were famous … but now the school year was over, and he was back with the Dursleys for the summer, back to being treated like a dog that had rolled in something smelly._

_The Dursleys hadn't even remembered that today happened to be Harry's twelfth birthday. Of course, his hopes hadn't been high; they'd never given him a real present, let alone a cake – but to ignore it completely…"_

"Now that's not right!" James exclaimed.

"Yeah, even my parents acknowledged my birthday, even though they hated me." Sirius said.

_"At that moment, Uncle Vernon cleared his throat importantly and said, 'Now, as we all know, today is a very important day.'_

"Hey it looks like they haven't totally forgotten it. Keep reading Remus" Sirius burst out.

_"Harry looked up, hardly daring to believe it._

_'This could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career,' said Uncle Vernon._

_Harry went back to his toast. __**Of course, **__he thought bitterly, __**Uncle Vernon was talking about the stupid dinner party.**__ He'd been talking of nothing else for two weeks. Some rich builder and his wife were coming to dinner and Uncle Vernon was hoping to get a huge order from him (Uncle Vernon's company made drills)."_

"Drills? That's the most boring job I've ever heard of." Sirius said.

"Well of course a boring person would have a boring job." James replied, having recovered from his shock.

_"__'I think we should run through the schedule one more time,' said Uncle Vernon. 'We should all be in position at __eight o'clock__. Petunia, you will be -?' _

_'In the lounge,' said Aunt Petunia promptly, 'waiting to welcome them graciously to our home.' _

_'Good, good. And Dudley?'_

_'I__'__ll be waiting to open the door.' Dudley put on a foul, simpering smile. 'May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?'_

_'They'll __**love **__him!' cried Aunt Petunia rapturously. _

_'Excellent, Dudley,' said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on Harry. 'And __**you**__?'_

_'I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there,' said Harry tonelessly.__"_

"That's just wrong!" James cried out.

_"'Exactly,' said Uncle Vernon nastily. 'I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. At eight-fifteen-'_

_'Ill announce dinner,' said Aunt __Petunia_

_'And, Dudley, __you'll__ say-;_

_; May__ I take you through to the dining __room__, Mrs. Mason?' said Dudley offering his fat arm to invisible woman. _

_'My perfect little gentleman!' sniffed Aunt Petunia._

_'And __**you**__?' said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry._

_'I__'__ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending __I'm__ not there,' said Harry dully._

_'Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?'_

_'Vernon tells me you're a __**wonderful**__ golfer. Mr. Mason …. __**Do**__ tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason….'_

_'Perfect … Dudley?'_

_'How about – 'We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and __**I **__wrote about __**you**__.''_

_This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn't see him laughing. _

"I agree with you, Harry, way to sappy." Sirius said while making a face.

_"'And you, boy?'_

_Harry fought to keep his face straight as he __emerged_

_'I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending __I'm__ not there,' he said._

_'Too right, you will,' said Uncle Vernon forcefully. 'The Masons don't know anything about you and __it's__ going to stay that way. When dinner's over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for __coffee__, Petunia, and __I'll__ bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, __I'll__ have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. Well be shopping for a vacation home in Majorca this time tomorrow.'_

_Harry couldn't feel too excited about this. He didn't think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did on Privet Drive._

_'Right – __I'm__ off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And __**you**__,' he snarled at Harry. 'You stay out of your aunt's way while __she's__ cleaning."_

_Harry left through the back door. It was a __brilliant__, sunny day. He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench, and sang under his breath:_

_'Happ__y birthday to me… happy birthday to me…'"_

"That has got to be the saddest thing I have ever heard." Remus said when he broke off reading.

All of them looked at Harry who was now sleeping in his play yard.

"Well we'll make sure his next birthday is the best one ever!" Sirius exclaimed and everyone else agreed.

_"No cards, no presents, and he would__ be__ spending the evening pretending not to exist. He gazed miserable int__o the hedge. He had never felt s__o lonely. More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch, Harry missed his best __friends,__ Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They, however, didn't seem to be missing him at all. Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay. _

_Countless times, Harry had __been__ on the pint of unlocking Hedwig's cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn't worth the risk. Underage wizards weren't allowed to use magic outside of school. Harry hadn't told the Dursleys this_he_ knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking __**him**__ in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick. For the first couple of weeks back,__ Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him."_

"That's the spirit Harry."

"Sirius, don't encourage it!"

"Lil' they're really nasty to him." James put in.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed quickly.

"Okay, fine, but I still don't like it," Lily said.

_"But the long silence from Ron and Hermione has made Harry feel so cut off from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appeal – and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday._

_What wouldn't he give now for a message from Hogwarts? From any witch or wizard? He'd almost be glad of a sight of his archenemy, Draco Malfoy, just to be sure it hadn't all been a dream …._

_Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun. At the very end of last term, Harry had come face-to-face with none oth__er than Lord Voldemort himself."_

"WHAT!!" James and Lily yelled, waking up baby Harry.

It took a few minutes to calm down Harry, and once they had Remus just continued to read.

_"__Voldemort might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power. __Harry had slipped through Voldemort's clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes-_

_Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. _ _He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge – __**and the hedge was staring back**__. Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves._

_Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn._

_'I know what day it is," sang Dudley, waddling toward him._

_The huge eyes blinked and vani__shed._

_'What?' said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been._

_'I know what day it is,' Dudley repeated, coming right up to him._

_'Well done,' said Harry, 'So you've finally learned the days of the week.'"_

At this James and Sirius burst out laughing, even Lily cracked a smile.

_"'Today's your __**birthday**__,' sneered Dudley, 'How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you even got friends at that freak place?'_

_'Better not let you mum hear you talking about my school,' said Harry coolly._

_Dudley hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom._

_'Why're you staring at the hedge?' he said suspiciously._

_'I'm trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire,' said Harry._

_Dudley stumbled backward at once, a look of panic on his fat face. _

_'you c-cant – Dad told you __you're__ not to do m-magic – he said hell chuck you out of the house – and you haven't got anywhere else to go – you haven't got any __**friends**__ to take you-'_

_'__**Jiggery pokery!**__' said Harry in a fierce voice. '__**Hocus pocus – squiggly wiggly-**__'_

_'MUUUUUUM!' howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house. 'MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!' _

_Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun. As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn't really done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he__'__d finished. _

_While Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice cream, Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses, and repainted the garden bench. The sun blazed over head, burning the back of his neck.__"_

"That's got to be abuse, making him do all the work." James exclaimed.

"Yeah that's what house-elves are for!" Sirius shouted.

"Sirius, they don't have house-elves they're Muggles." Lily said rationally.

"Oh yeah I'd forgotten 'bout that."

_"__Harry knew he shouldn't have risen to Dudley'__s bait, but D__u__dley had said the very thing H__arry had been thinking himself… maybe he __**didn't **__have any friends at Hogwarts…__"_

"I'm sure you do, sweetie." Lily crooned.

_"__**Wish they could see the famous Harry Potter now**__, he thought savagely as he spread manure on the flower beds, his back aching, sweat running down his face._

_It was half past seven in the evening when at last, exhausted, he heard Aunt Petunia calling him._

_'Get in here! And walk on the newspaper!'_

_Harry moved gladly into the shade of the gleaming kitchen. On top of the fridge stood tonights pudding: a huge mound of whipped cream and sugared violets. A loin of roast pork was sizzling in the oven."_

"I'm hungry now," whined Sirius.

"We're really close to the end of the chapter we can eat then." Remus said.

_"'Eat quickly! The Masons will be here soon!' snapped Aunt Petunia, pointing to two slices of bread and a lump of cheese on the kitchen table. She was already wearing a salmon-pink cocktail dress._

_Harry washed his hands and bolted down his pitiful supper. The moment he had finished, Aunt Petunia whisked away his plate. 'Upstairs! Hurry!'_

_As he passed the door to the living room, Harry caught a glimpse of Uncle Vernon and Dudley in bow ties and dinner jackets. He had only just reached the upstairs landing when the doorbell rang and Uncle Vernon's furious face appeared at the foot of the stairs._

_"Remember, boy – one sound –'_

_Harry crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe, slipped inside, closed the door, and turned to collapse on his bed. _

_The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it."_

"Ah, an interesting ending," said James.

"How'd you know it was the-"Remus looked behind him and jumped because James was sitting right there staring at the book.

"Why didn't you warn me Sirius?" Remus complained only to find Sirius had run off to the kitchen with Lily after him making sure he didn't break anything. "Ah, well let's go eat then."

And with that Remus and James joined the others in the kitchen.

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Wow that was long 8 pgs. Please Review (anything helps)! 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Okay first I want to thank everyone who reviewed the story, added it to story alert etc.

And second, I know it's been months (literally) since I updated, and I'm **really** sorry, but that might be how often I update (not that long though). I'm just a procrastinator and I spend my weekends making up for that. Hope you like this chapter though!

Also I didn't actually change anything in Chapter 2 just grammar stuff.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own any of the lines from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

**Last Time:** _**"Ah, well let's go eat then." **_

_**And with that Remus and James joined the others in the kitchen.**_

"Okay now that everyone is done eating why don't we continue the story?" asked Lily, who had just picked up a sleeping Harry (A/N: I know he's been sleeping for a while but I don't know what else he could do while they're reading).

Once everyone agreed Remus began to read again. "Chapter 2, Dobby's Warning,"

"_Harry managed not to shout out, but it was a close thing. The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the sized of tennis balls."_

"It's a house-elf!" Sirius said looking like he had figured out a great mystery.

"Yeah, it's a house-elf, but what is it doing in a muggle house?" Lily asked.

"I guess we read and find out," James said.

_"Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning._

_As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley's voice from the hall._

_'May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?'_

_The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its long, thin nose touched the carpet.__"_

At that moment a popping noise came from outside and a knock on the door, James went to see who it was.

"Wormtail! How are you, oh and come in, everyone's in the living room."

Once they both sat down and Lily explained to Peter that they were reading and what had happened, Remus continued to read.

_"Harry noticed that it was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase, with rips for arm- and leg-holes._

_'Er – hello,' said Harry nervously. _

_'Harry Potter!' said the creature in a high-pitched voice Harry was sure would carry down the stairs. 'So long has Dobby wanted to meet you, sir. . . Such an honor it is . . . .' _

_'Th-thank you,' said __Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage. He wanted to ask, 'What are you?' but thought it would sound too rude-"_

"You know Harry it's not that rude at all," said Sirius sarcastically.

Ignoring Sirius yet again Remus continued.

_"-so instead he said, 'Who are you?'_

_'Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf,'-"_

"I was right!"

_"-said the creature._

_'Oh – Really?' said Harry. 'Er – I don't want to be rude or anything, but – this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom.'"_

"And when would be a good time to find a house-elf in your bedroom?" James asked.

"When it's dirty, I guess," answered Peter.

Peter's answer stunned James and everyone else and they looked at Peter as though he had grown another head. Peter, however, looked faintly embarrassed with all the attention.

Remus cleared his throat and asked "Shall we continue?" Not waiting for an answer he read.

_"Aunt Petunia's high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head._

_'Not that I'm not pleased to meet you,' said Harry quickly, 'but, er, is there any particular reason you're here?' _

_'Oh, yes, sir,' said Dobby earnestly. 'Dobby has come to tell you, sir . . . it is difficult, sir . . . Dobby wonders where to begin. . . .'_

_'Sit down,' said Harry politely, pointing t__o__ the bed."_

"Ooh, bad move," said Sirius.

"Why?" Lily asked.

"I don't know really, but I do know that if you offer house-elves clothes they tend to start sobbing."

"I think everyone knows that, Sirius," said Remus before he started reading again.

_"__To his horror, the elf burst into tears – very noisy tears."_

"I told you!-"

_"'S__**-sit down!'**__ he wailed. __**'Never . . . never ever . . .'**_

_Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter._

_'I'm sorry,' he whispered, 'I didn't mean to offend you or anything-'_

_'Offend Dobby!' choked the elf. 'Dobby has __**never**__ been asked to sit down by a wizard – like an __**equal **__–'_

_Harry, trying to say 'Shh!' and look comforting at the same time, ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat hiccoughing, looking like a large and very ugly __doll. At__ last he managed to control himself, and sat with his great eyes fixed on Harry in an expression of watery adoration."_

"Ahh, it looks like little Harry has an admirer," said Sirius, well, not seriously.

(A/N: I'm skipping over Dobby trying to punish himself and being grateful (again) because Harry was polite.)

_"Dobby leaned toward Harry, his eyes wide as headlights._

_'Dobby heard tell,' he said hoarsely, 'that Harry Potter met the Dark Lord for a second time, just weeks ago . . . -"_

Remus looked up expecting another outburst from either Lily or James or both. However no such thing happened, the only tell-tale signs of shock was the suddenly tighter grip around the sleeping Harry.

_"__'that__ Harry Potter escaped __**yet again**__.' _

_Harry nodded and Dobby's eyes suddenly shone with tears. _

_'Ah, sir,' he gasped, dabbing his face with a corner of the grubby pillowcase he was wearing. 'Harry Potter is valiant and bold! He has braved so many dangers already! But Dobby has come to protect Harry Potter, to warn him, even if he __**does**__ have to shut his __in the oven door later. . . .__** Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts.**__'_

"That definitely does not sound good," Peter said stating the obvious.

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

_"__There was a silence broken only by the chink of knives and forks from downstairs and the distant rumble of Uncle Vernon's voice._

_'W-what?' Harry stammered. 'But I've got to go back – term starts on September first. It's all that's keeping me going. You don't know what it's like here. I don't __**belong **__here. I belong in your world – at Hogwarts.'_

_'No, no, no,' squeaked Dobby, shaking his head so hard his ears flapped. 'Harry Potter must stay where he is safe. He is too great, too good, to lose. If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in mortal danger.'_

Everyone in the room was silent as if they were on pause.

(A/N: Again (for the sake of my fingers typing all of this) I'm skipping the part when Harry guesses why he cannot go back to Hogwarts.)

_"And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry's desk lamp, and started beating himself around the head with earsplitting yelps."_

"Man, he's going to be in trouble," Peter spoke up again to break the silence, but it didn't help everyone else was too into the book to try and talk they just wanted to find out what happened next.

_"A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, 'Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!' _

_'Quick! In the closet!' hissed Harry, stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door, and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned._

_'What – the – __**devil**__ – are – you – doing?' __said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry's. 'You've just ruined the punch line of my __Japanese__ golfer joke. . . . One more sound and you'll wish __you'd__ never been born, boy!'_

_'He stomped flat-footed from the room.'"_

"What's that supposed to mean 'stomped flat-footed'?" Sirius asked puzzled.

"I don't know, I guess you try to stomp keeping your feet flat on the ground," James said and to emphasize his point he started stomping around the room.

Rolling her eyes, Lily put Harry on a cot she conjured and gestured for Remus to continue reading.

(A/N: Even though I could write comments on Harry being mad at Dobby for intercepting his letters I will skip to when Dobby levitates the pudding over Mrs. Mason.)

_"'Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice,' said the elf sadly. _

_Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and sprinted down the stairs. _

_Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six steps, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, '. . . tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr. Mason. She's been dying to hear . . .'"_

"Yeah, I'll bet she's been waiting for that." Remus stated rolling his eyes.

"A funny story about plumber, really? That's just… weird." James commented.

"Well get back to the story Remus, I want to know what the house-elf will do." Sirius whined all ready to write it down.

_"Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear._

_Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby. _

_'No,' croaked Harry. 'Please . . . they'll kill me. . . .'_

_'Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school –'_

_'Dobby . . . please . . .'_

_'Say it, sir –'_

_'I can't –'"_

"It's called lying, when you tell someone something but do something else." Sirius said.

"Don't try to teach him bad habits!" Lily exclaimed irately.

"It's not like I'm actually telling him, I'm only talking to the book."

Remus coughed and it sounded suspiciously like 'insane' before starting to read again.

_"Dobby gave him a tragic look._

_'Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good.'_

"I just want to know, how is this even remotely for Harry's "own good"?" James asked.

"I guess it's because Dobby thinks that Harry will somehow not be allowed to go to Hogwarts as a punishment," Lily answered. "Instead they're probably going to throw him out or something," she finished with a scowl.

_"The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished._

_There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia's pudding. _

_At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over. ('Just our nephew – very disturbed_ (What!)_ – meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs. . . .') He shooed the shocked Masons back into the dining room, promised Harry __he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, and handed him a mop. Aunt Petunia dug some ice cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean._

_Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal – if it hadn't been for the owl." _

"If it hadn't been for the owl, wow that's a great line!" Sirius exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, but it means something else has gone wrong." Lily said impatiently.

"It would seem so," Remus agreed, he had been silently reading ahead, "It looks like he gets a warning from the Improper Use of Magic Office. And Vernon, and unfortunately you were wrong Lily locks him in his room and fitted bars on his window. They're not going to let him go back to Hogwarts."

"WHAT! Lemme see it," Sirius grabbed the book from Remus and skimmed the page until he found something interesting.

"Ah, here we go."

_"He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage. People goggled through the bars at him as he lay, starving and weak, on a bed of straw. He saw Dobby's face in the crowd and shouted out, asking for help, but Dobby called, 'Harry Potter is safe there, sir!' and vanished. Then the Dur__sleys appeared and Dudley rattled the bars of the cage, laughing at him."_

"Great now I'm going to have nightmares like that." Sirius muttered.

However, unlike when Sirius was reading, none of the audience seemed either sorry for him or sympathetic; instead they rolled their eyes at him.

"Fine, fine, hold your hippogriffs, I'll keep reading," Muttered Sirius.

_"'Stop it,' Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. 'Leave me alone . . . cut it out . . . I'm trying to sleep. . . ."_

_He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shinning in through the bars on the window. And someone __**was **__goggling through the bars at him: a freckle-faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone._

_Ron Weasley was outside Harry's window."_

"That's the end of the chapter," stated Sirius.

"Ron Weasley? Was he one of Harry's friends?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger," Remus replied.

"Oh, okay, so are we reading the next chapter now, then?" Peter inquired.

"I guess so." Sirius said before turning the page


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets!_

"Chapter Three: The Burrow," Sirius started.

"_**'Ron!**__' breathed Harry, creeping to the window and pushing it up so they could talk through the bars. 'Ron, how did you – What the -?'"_

"I see he really knows how to express himself," teased Remus.

"Takes after James in that," added Sirius. James just sat and fumed, occasionally glaring at them.

"_'Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him. Ron was leaning out of the back window of an old turquoise car, which was parked __**in midair**__. Grinning at Harry from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's elder twin brothers.'_

'Wow,'

"You know, I've always wanted to have a twin," Peter said wide-eyed. Everyone looked at Peter waiting for him to get that, that wasn't the important part.

Instead Remus asked, "Why?"

"It would just be cool," Peter answered faintly embarrassed.

Sirius cleared his throat and kept reading.

_"'All right, Harry?' asked George._

_'What's been going on?' said Ron. 'Why haven't you been answering my letters? I've asked you to stay about twelve times, and then Dad came home and said you'd got an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles –' _

_'It wasn't me – and how did he know?'_

'_He works for the Ministry,' said Ron. 'You __**know **__we're not supposed to do spells outside school –'_

_'You should talk,' said Harry, staring at the floating car._

_'Oh, this doesn't count,' said Ron. 'Were only borrowing this. It's Dad's, __**we**__ didn't enchant it. But doing magic in front of those Muggles you live with –'"_

Lily rolled her eyes at how dense Ron was; he kept asking Harry about using his magic that he had denied.

_'I told you, I didn't – but it'll take too long to explain now – look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won't let me come back, and obviously I can't magic myself out, because the Ministry'll think that's the second spell I've done in three days, so-'_

_'Stop gibbering,' said Ron. 'We've come to take you home with us.' _

_But you can't magic me out either –'_

_'We don't need to,' said Ron. 'We've come to take you home with us.'_

_'Tie that around the bars,' said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry._

_'If the Dursleys wake up, I'm dead,' said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car._

_'Don't worry,' said Fred, 'and stand back.' _

_Harry moved back in to the shadows next to Hedwig, who seemed to have realized how important this was and kept still and silent. The car revved louder and louder and suddenly, with a crunching noise, the bars were pulled clean out of the window as Fred drove straight up in the air. Harry ran back to the window to see the bars dangling a few feet above the ground. Panting, Ron hoisted them up into the car. Harry listened anxiously, but there was no sound from the Dursleys' bedroom._

"God they can sleep through everything cant they?" Sirius stated bewildered.

James just shrugged.

_'When the bars were safely in the back seat with Ron, Fred reversed as close as possible to Harry's window. _

_'Get in,' Ron said._

_'But all my Hogwarts stuff- my wand – my broomstick –' '_

"Go back and get it,"

"Please go back and get it!"

Remus and James looked at each other, thinking, was he just thinking about the same thing as me, until Lily asked, "What were you guys talking about?"

"His stuff-"

"The broomstick-"

Rolling his eyes Sirius started reading again.

_"'Where is it?'_

_'Locked in the cupboard under the stairs, and I can't get out of this room –'_

_'No problem,' said George from the front passenger seat. 'Out of the way, Harry.'_

_Fred and George climbed catlike through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock._

_'A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick,'' said Fred, 'but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow.'_

_There was a small click and the door swung open._

_'So – we'll get your trunk – you grab anything you need from your room and hand it out to Ron,' whispered George. _

_'Watch out for the bottom stair – it creaks,' Harry whispered back as the twins disappeared onto the dark landing._

_Harry dashed around his room, collecting his things and passing them out of the window to Ron. Then he went to help Fred and George heave his trunk up the stairs. Harry heard Uncle Vernon cough._

_At last, panting, they reached the landing, and then carried the trunk through Harry's room to the open window. Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron, and Harry and George pushed from the bedroom side. Inch by inch, the trunk slid through the window._

_Uncle Vernon coughed again._

_'A bit more,' panted Fred, who was pulling from inside the car. 'One good push –'_

_Harry and George threw their shoulders against the trunk and it slid out of the window into the back seat of the car._

_'Okay, let's go,' George whispered._

_But as Harry climbed onto the windowsill there came a sudden loud screech from behind him, followed immediately by the thunder of the Uncle Vernon's voice._

_'THAT RUDDY OWL!' _

_'I've forgotten Hedwig!'_

_Harry tore across the room as the landing light clicked on – he snatched up Hedwig's cage, dashed to the window, and passed it out to Ron. He was scrambling back onto the chest of drawers when Uncle Vernon hammered on the unlocked door – and it crashed open._

_For a split second, Uncle Vernon stood framed in the doorway; then he let out a bellow like an angry bull'"_

"Like he didn't look like one already."

"'_and dived at Harry, grabbing him by the ankle._

_Ron, Fred, and George seized Harry's arms and pulled as hard as they could._

_'Petunia!' roared Uncle Vernon. 'He's getting away! HE'S GETTING AWAY!' _

"Wait, why do they even care?" asked Sirius.

Remus rolled his eyes out of habit then shrugged realizing he didn't know the answer. Neither did anyone else in the group so they just continued reading.

"_But the Weasleys gave a gigantic tug and Harry's leg slid out of Uncle Vernon's grasp – Harry was in the car – he'd slammed the door shut –_

_'Put your foot down, Fred!' yelled Ron and the car shot suddenly toward the moon._

_Harry couldn't believe it – he was free. He rolled down the window, the night air whipping his hair, and looked back at the shrinking rooftops of Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley were all hanging, dumbstruck, out of Harry's window._

_'See you next summer!' Harry yelled. _(Lily sighed)

_The Weasleys roared with laughter and Harry settled back in his seat, grinning__from ear to ear.  
'Let Hedwig out,' he told Ron, 'she can fly behind us. She hasn't had a chance to stretch her_

_wings for ages.'_

_George handed the hairpin to Ron and a moment later, Hedwig had soared joyfully out of the window to glide alongside them like a ghost. _

'_So - what's the story, Harry?' said Ron impatiently. 'What's been happening?' _

_Harry told them all about Dobby, the warning he'd given Harry and the fiasco of the violet pudding. There was a long shocked silence when he had finished.  
'Very fishy,' said Fred finally.  
'Definitely dodgy,' agreed George. 'So, he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff?'  
'I don't think he could,' said Harry. 'I told you, every time he got close to letting something slip; he started banging his head against the wall.'_

_He saw Fred and George look at each other.  
'What, you think he was lying to me?' said Harry.  
_

"Oh that would be good, well, sort of, I guess-"

Remus cleared his throat.

"What I meant is that it would be good if there wasn't a real reason Harry shouldn't go back to Hogwarts." James continued.

'_Well,' said Fred, 'put it this way - house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their masters' permission. I reckon old Dobby was sent to stop you coming back to Hogwarts. Someone's idea of a joke. Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you?''Yes,' said Harry and Ron together, instantly.  
'Draco Malfoy,' Harry explained. 'He hates me.'  
'Draco Malfoy?' said George, turning round. 'Not Lucius Malfoy's son?'  
'Must be, it's not a very common name, is it?' said Harry. 'Why?'_

'_I've heard Dad talking about him,' said George. 'He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who.'  
'And when You-Know-Who disappeared,' said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, 'Lucius Malfoy came back saying he'd never meant any of it. Load of dung -_

_Dad reckons he was right in You Know Who's inner circle.'_

"Probably was, git," Muttered Sirius.

_  
Harry had heard these rumors about Malfoy's family before and they didn't surprise him at all._

_Draco Malfoy made Dudley Dursley look a kind, thoughtful and sensitive boy._

'_I don't know whether the Malfoy's own a house-elf ...' said Harry.  
'Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich,' said Fred.  
'Yeah, mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing,' said George. 'But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that, you wouldn't catch one in our house ...'  
Harry was silent. Judging by the fact that Draco Malfoy usually had the best of everything, his family was rolling in wizard gold; he could just see Malfoy strutting a large manor house. Sending the family servant to stop Harry going back to Hogwarts also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Malfoy would do. Had Harry been stupid to take Dobby seriously?  
_

"Of course not, it's always good to be cautious!" Lily exclaimed.

'_I'm glad we came to get you, anyway,' said Ron._

'_I was getting really worried when you didn't answer any of my letters. I thought it was Errol's fault at first -'_

'_Who's Errol?'_

'_Our owl. He's ancient. It wouldn't be the first time he'd collapsed on a delivery. So then I tried to borrow Hermes -'_

'_Who?'_

'_The owl Mum and Dad bought Percy when he was made a prefect,' said Fred from the front._

'_But Percy wouldn't lend him to me,' said Ron. 'Said he needed him.'  
'Percy's been acting very oddly this summer,' said George, frowning. 'And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room ... I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge ..._. _You're driving far too west, Fred,' he added, pointing at a compass on the dashboard. Fred twiddled the steering wheel.  
'So, does your dad know you've got the car?' said Harry guessing the answer.  
'Er, no,' said Ron, 'he had to work tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to get it back in the garage without _

_Mum noticing we flew it.'  
_"Yeah, right," Sirius said.

"My mum always knew when I was up to something; I don't know how though," James added.

"My guess is that Mrs. Weasley has the same talent," Remus stated.

'_What does your dad do at the Ministry of Magic, anyway?'  
'He works in the most boring department,' said Ron. 'The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.'  
'That what?'_

'_It's all to do with bewitching things that are Muggle-made, you know, in case they end up back in a Muggle shop or house. Like, last year, some old witch died and her tea set was sold to an antiques shop. This Muggle woman bought it, took it home and tried to serve her friends tea in it. It was a nightmare - Dad was working overtime for weeks.'_

'_What happened?'_

'_The teapot went berserk and squirted boiling tea all over the place and one man ended up in hospital with the sugar tongs clamped to his nose._

James and Sirius started laughing until Lily glared at them.

_Dad was going frantic, it's only him and an old warlock called Perkins in the office, and they had to do Memory Charms and all sorts to cover it up ...'_

'_But your dad ... this car ...'_

_Fred laughed. 'Yeah, Dad's mad about everything to do with Muggles, our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself straight under arrest. It drives Mum mad.'  
'That's the main road,' said George, peering down through the windscreen. 'We'll be there in ten minutes ... just as well, it's getting light ...'_

_A faint pinkish glow was visible along the horizon to the east. Fred brought the car lower and Harry saw a dark patchwork of fields and clumps of trees.  
'We're a little way outside the village,' said George. 'Ottery St. Catchpole ...'_

_Lower and lower went the flying car. The edge of a brilliant red sun was now gleaming through the trees.  
'Touchdown!' said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground. They had landed next to a tumbledown garage in a small yard and Harry looked out for the first time at Ron's house.  
It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigsty, but extra rooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it was held up by magic (which, Harry reminded himself, it probably was)._

_Four or five chimneys were perched on top of the red roof. A lop-sided sign stuck in the ground near the entrance read 'The Burrow'. Round the front door lay a jumble of Wellington boots and a very rusty cauldron. Several fat brown chickens were pecking their way around the yard._

'_It's not much,' said Ron.  
'It's brilliant,' said Harry happily, thinking of Privet Drive.  
They got out of the car.  
'Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly,' said Fred, 'and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast. Then Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, 'Mum, look who turned up in the night!' and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car.'  
_

"Right cause that would work," scoffed Remus.

"Wait there's a funny part coming up," Sirius said looking ahead.

_  
'Right,' said Ron. 'Come on, Harry, I sleep at the -'  
Ron had gone a nasty greenish color, his eyes fixed on the house. The others wheeled around.  
Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.  
'Ah,' said Fred.  
'Oh dear,' said George._

_Mrs. Weasley came to a halt in front of them, her hands on her hips, staring at one guilty face to the next._

_She was wearing a flowered apron with a wand sticking out of the pocket.  
'So,' she said.  
'Morning, Mum,' said George, in what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice._

'_Have you any idea how worried I've been?' said Mrs. Weasley in a deadly whisper._

'_Sorry, Mum, but see, we had to -'  
All three of Mrs. Weasley's sons were taller than she was, but they cowered as her rage broke over them.  
'Beds empty! Car gone ... could have crashed ... out of my mind with worry ... did you care? ... never, as long as I've lived ... you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy ...'_

"Wait, so there's Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, **and** Ron, wow that's a lot of kids," James realized surprised.

'The Burrow, ha ha ha ha, rabbits, ha ha ha ha, kids-'

Rolling her eyes Lily took the book and kept reading.

'_Perfect Percy,' muttered Fred._

'_YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!' yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding her finger in Fred's chest._

'_You could have died, you could have been seen, you could have lost your father his job -'  
It seemed to go on for hours._

Sirius and James nodded, "It sure feels like that."

_  
Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away._

'_I'm very pleased to see you, Harry, dear,' she said, 'Come in and have some breakfast.'  
_

Surprised no one said anything.

_  
She turned and walked back into the house and Harry, after a nervous glance at Ron, who nodded encouragingly, followed her. The kitchen was small and rather cramped. There was a scrubbed wooden table and chairs in the middle and Harry sat down on the edge of his seat, looking around. He had never been in a wizard house before._

_The clock on the wall opposite had only one hand and no numbers at all. Written around the edge were things like 'Time to make tea', 'Time to feed the chickens' and 'You're late'. Books were stacked three deep on the mantelpiece, books with titles like __Charm Your Own Cheese__, __Enchantment in Baking__ and __One _

_Minute Feasts - It's Magic!__ And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up was 'Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina Warbeck'. _

"Oh I love her," Lily said.

_Mrs. Weasley was clattering around, cooking breakfast a little haphazardly, throwing dirty looks at her sons as she threw sausages into the frying pan. Every now and then she muttered things like 'don't know what you were thinking of' and 'never would have believed it'._

'_I don't blame you, dear,' she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate.  
'Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we'd come and get you ourselves if you hadn't written back to Ron by Friday. But really' (she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate), 'flying an illegal car halfway across the country - anyone could have seen you -'_

'_It was cloudy, Mum!' said Fred._

'_You keep your mouth closed while you're eating!' Mrs. Weasley snapped._

'_They were starving him, Mum!' said George._

'_And you!' said Mrs. Weasley, but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him.  
At that moment, there was a diversion in the form of a small, red-headed figure in a long nightdress, who appeared in the kitchen, gave a small squeal, and ran out again.  
'Ginny,' said Ron in an undertone to Harry. 'My sister. She's been talking about you all summer.'  
_

"Aw someone's got a crush on little Harry!" exclaimed Lily.

James, however, was thinking about something else, "So wait they have **seven** kids?"

"Hmmm," Sirius agreed, without paying attention before smirking and saying, "What's with Potter's and redheads?"

Rolling her eyes, again, Lily continued reading.

_  
'Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry,' grinned Fred, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word._

_Nothing more was said until all four plates were clean, which took a surprisingly short time._

'_Blimey, I'm tired,' yawned Fred, setting down his knife and fork at last. 'I think I'll go to bed and -'_

'_You will not,' snapped Mrs. Weasley. 'It's your own fault you've been up all night. You're going to de-gnome the garden for me, they're getting completely out of hand again.'  
'Oh, Mum -'  
'And you two,' she said, glaring at Ron and Fred._

'_You can go up to bed, dear,' she added to Harry. 'You didn't ask them to fly that wretched car.'_

_But Harry, who felt wide awake, said quickly, 'I'll help Ron, I've never seen a de-gnoming -'  
'That's very sweet of you, dear, but it's dull work,' said Mrs. Weasley. 'Now, let's see what Lockhart's got to say on the subject.'  
And she pulled a heavy book from the stack on the mantelpiece. George groaned._

'_Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden.'_

_Harry looked at the cover of Mrs. Weasley's book. Written across it in fancy gold letters were the words: __Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests._

_There was a big photograph on the front of a very good-looking wizard with wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes.  
As always in the wizarding world, the photograph was moving; the wizard, who Harry supposed was Gilderoy Lockhart, kept winking cheekily up at them all.  
Mrs. Weasley beamed down at him.  
'Oh, he is marvelous,' she said, 'he knows his household pests, all right, it's a wonderful book ...'_

'_Mum fancies him,' said Fred, in a very audible whisper._

'_Don't be so ridiculous, Fred,' said Mrs. Weasley, her cheeks rather pink.  
_

James and Sirius started laughing again, but this time Lily couldn't help giggling along with them.

_  
'All right, if you think you know better than Lockhart, you can go and get on with it, and woe betide you if there's a single gnome in the garden when I come out to inspect it.'_

_Yawning and grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large and, in Harry's eyes, exactly what a garden should be._

_The Dursleys wouldn't have liked it - there were plenty of weeds, and the grass needed cutting - but there were gnarled trees all round the walls, plants Harry had never seen spilling from every flowerbed and a big green pond full of frogs.  
'Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know,' Harry told Ron as they crossed the lawn._

'_Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes,' said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush. 'Like fat little Father Christmases with fishing rods ...'_

_There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered and Ron straightened up. 'This is a gnome,' he said grimly.  
'Gerroff me! Gerroff me!' squealed the gnome.  
It was certainly nothing like Father Christmas. It was small and leathery-looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside-down._

'_This is what you have to do,' he said. He raised the gnome above his head ('Gerroff me!') and started to swing it in great circles like a lasso.  
Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, 'It doesn't hurt them - you've just got to make them really dizzy so they can't find their way back to the gnome holes.'_

_He let go of the gnome's ankles: it flew twenty feet into the air and landed with a thud in the field over the hedge.  
'Pitiful,' said Fred. 'I bet I can get mine beyond that stump.'_

_Harry learned quickly not to feel sorry for the gnomes._

_He decided just to drop the first one he caught over the hedge, but the gnome, sensing weakness, sank its razor-sharp teeth into Harry's finger and he had a hard job shaking it off until -_

'_Wow, Harry - that must've been fifty feet ...'  
_

James just grinned proudly.

_  
The air was soon thick with flying gnomes.  
'See, they're not too bright,' said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once. 'They moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put.'  
Soon, the crowd of gnomes in the fields started walking away in a straggling line, their little shoulders hunched.  
'They'll be back,' said Ron as they watched the gnomes disappear into the hedge on the other side of the _

_field. 'They love it here ... Dad's too soft with them, he thinks they're funny ...'  
' Just then, the front door slammed.  
'He's back!' said George. 'Dad's home!'_

_They hurried through the garden and back into the house.  
Mr. Weasley was slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and his eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald, but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's. He was wearing long green robes which were dusty and travel-worn._

'_What a night,' he mumbled, groping for the teapot as they all sat down around him. 'Nine raids. Nine! And old Mundungus Fletcher tried to put a hex on me when I had my back turned ...'_

_Mr. Weasley took a long gulp of tea and sighed.  
'Find anything, Dad?' said Fred eagerly._

'_All I got was a few shrinking door-keys and a biting kettle,' yawned Mr. Weasley. 'There was some pretty nasty stuff that wasn't in my department, though. Mortlake was taken away for questioning about some extremely odd ferrets, but that's the Committee on Experimental Charms, thank goodness ...'_

'_Why would anyone bother making door-keys shrink?' said George._

'_Just Muggle-baiting,' sighed Mr. Weasley. 'Sell them a key that keeps shrinking to nothing so they never find it when they need it ... Of course, it's hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking - they'll just insist they keep losing it." _

Sirius grinned evilly, but before it got any farther Remus forbade him from charming any keys. A bit put out Sirius turned back to listen.

"_Bless them, they'll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it's staring them in the face but the things our lot has taken to enchanting, you wouldn't believe -'  
'LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE?'_

_Mrs. Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword. Mr. Weasley's eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife._

'_C-cars, Molly, dear?'  
'Yes, Arthur, cars,' said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes flashing. 'Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to do with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it fly.'_

"Busted," Sirius said in a much better mood.

_Mr. Weasley blinked.  
'Well, dear, I think you'll find that he would be quite within the law to do that, even if, er, he maybe would have done better to, um, tell his wife the truth ..._

_There's a loophole in the law, you'll find ... as long as he wasn't intending to fly the car, the fact that the car could fly wouldn't -'  
'Arthur Weasley, you made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!' shouted Mrs. Weasley.  
_

Smiling Lily continued reading.

'_Just so you could carry on tinkering with all the Muggle rubbish in your shed! And for your information, Harry arrived this morning in the car you weren't intending to fly!'_

'_Harry?' said Mr. Weasley blankly. 'Harry who?'_

_He looked around, saw Harry and jumped.  
'Good Lord, is it Harry Potter? Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about -'_

'_Your sons flew that car to Harry's house and back last night!' shouted Mrs. Weasley. 'What have you got to say about that, eh?'_

'_Did you really?' said Mr. Weasley eagerly. 'Did it go all right?_

"Oh, bad question."

"'_I-I mean,' he faltered, as sparks flew from Mrs. Weasley's eyes, 'that was very wrong, boys - very wrong indeed ...'_

'_Let's leave them to it,' Ron muttered to Harry, as Mrs. Weasley swelled like a bullfrog. 'Come on, I'll show you my bedroom.'_

_They slipped out of the kitchen and down a narrow passage way to an uneven staircase, which zigzagged its way up through the house. On the third landing, a door stood ajar. Harry just caught a pair of bright brown eyes staring at him before it closed with a snap._

'_Ginny,' said Ron. 'You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy, she never shuts up normally -'  
_

Sirius got an obnoxiously, huge smile, but couldn't say anything before Lily started reading again.

_They climbed two more flights until they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it, saying 'Ronald's Room'. Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the sloping ceiling, and blinked. It was like walking into a furnace: nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be a violent shade of orange: the bed-spread, the walls, even the ceiling.  
Then Harry realized that Ron had covered nearly every inch of the shabby wallpaper with posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks and waving energetically.  
'Your Quidditch team?' said Harry.  
'The Chudley Cannons,' said Ron, pointing at the orange bed-spread, which emblazoned with two giant Cs and a speeding cannonball. 'Ninth in the league.'  
_

"Well at least they've improved from last," James said, with all his Quidditch knowledge.

"_Ron's spell books were stacked untidily in a corner, next to a pile of comics which all seemed to feature The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle.  
Ron's magic wand was lying on top of a fish tank full of frogspawn on the window-sill, next to his fat grey rat, Scabbers, who was snoozing in a patch of sun."_Remus frowned for a second before shrugging.

_Harry stepped over a pack of Self-Shuffling playing cards on the floor and looked out of the tiny window. In the field far below he could see a gang of gnomes sneaking, one by one, back through the Weasleys' hedge.  
Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion._

'_It's a bit small,' said Ron quickly. 'Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic, he's always banging on the pipes and groaning ...'_

_But Harry, grinning widely, said, 'This is the best house I've ever been in.'  
Ron's ears went pink. _

A/N: I'm really sorry but this will be the last chapter (yeah I know I only got to Chapter 3) because I really cannot think of enough things to say. If you liked this kind of story I suggest you read Of Reading and Randomness 2 by gryffyndor12 it's also about Chamber of Secrets.


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